“Do we have a duty to maintain Fraternal Ties with a Brother who no longer regularly attends Lodge Meetings or Masonic events?”

Freemasonry offers extraordinary opportunities to form and nourish the bonds of union and friendship. Yet sometimes a Brother who has not attended regularly for some period of time will feel as though the members have forgotten about him. His phone isn’t ringing like it once did, he’s no longer recruited to every impromptu gathering, and there may be any number of new Lodge members he doesn’t know particularly well. This can result in feelings of abandonment or even resentment. And yet, when he does find the time to attend a meeting or other event, he’s greeted as warmly as ever by the Brothers who know him, and they all say they wish to see him more frequently in Lodge.

The reason for this phenomenon is that the friendship was formed in the context of attending and participating in Lodge meetings and activities. These events create regular opportunities for the Brethren to come together with a common purpose that nourishes and sustains the relationships thus formed which, in turn, gives rise to occasions for the Brethren to come together outside of Lodge events. This is not dissimilar from friendships formed in a place of employment.

However, while this kind of institutionalized proximity can be helpful in forming and sustaining a friendship, it can make it difficult to maintain the same closeness when that external factor goes away. It’s not uncommon, for example, to fall out of touch with work friends after moving to a job at a different employer. It’s not that you’re not friends any more. It’s just that a kind of glue that held the relationship tightly together has gone away. Not every work friendship, regardless of how close, can survive that loss and remain the same.

But work is work. We want more out of the Fraternity. We expect our Masonic friendships to follow us all the way from Initiation to the grave. So what is to be done? And where does the responsibility lie? How can the relationship be restored to its former closeness? The answer is, with a reapplication of glue.

A Brother whose attendance and participation have waned should make a concerted effort to reengage with his Lodge. Perhaps circumstances have changed and he’s not able to be present as frequently as he once was. That’s okay. Once a month, or even every other month, can be enough to reenergize old friendships and form new ones. This is how community is created. Just as a lapsed work friendship can resume undiminished when a former colleague joins you at your present employer, you may be surprised at how quickly and easily a closeness with your Lodge and its Brethren can be reestablished simply by resuming participation.

The Lodge as well has its own responsibility with respect to the relationships formed within and among its Brethren. The members need to have a reason to attend Lodge meetings and activities other than loyalty, so intrinsic quality must be high. Moreover, both the Lodge as an institution and the members as individual Masons should work to stay in communication with those whose activities or circumstances have reduced their regular presence, and to encourage their return.

Both parties should recognize that when one Brother contacts another to solicit his participation in the life and works of their Lodge, he is saying, “I love you. I miss you. I want our closeness back.” With constancy and fidelity in our friendships, let us together discover the beneficial and happy effects of our ancient and honorable institution.